im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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