hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
