i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
