he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
