still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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