Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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