I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
