When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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