Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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