Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
