Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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