fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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