3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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