I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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