I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
