Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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