I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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