I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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