just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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