I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
