Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im holly from the hills drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
