that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
