Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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