pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
