not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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