One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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