I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
