Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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