Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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