that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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