Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
