i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
