I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
