Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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