it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
