listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
