This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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