Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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