i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
