I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
