Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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