It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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