Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
