hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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