I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize