when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
