That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
