Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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