I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I'm really busy with my period
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