I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
