I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
