According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
