You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
