My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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