A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
