Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
