Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
