dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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