I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
