They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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