It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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