yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
