i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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